Are we, as mothers, living as Jane Does? It seems that mothers have lost their name. You are no longer Sally, a woman who has tunnel vision of her life's dreams and aspirations. You are now Johnny and Kate's mom. Are we losing ourselves in our master status of Mom with no other option to become Sally again? Or have we simply allowed ourselves to get lost in the chaos of family? At times, we feel as if we can't have both worlds, but we can. I only recently realized this myself. I decided that my children will move out in a few short years, and the thing that they will leave behind is this empty house. They have their own dreams to fulfill. What will my husband and I do when this happens? I realized that it's not too late to do what I love. We, as mothers, have spent most of our adult life nurturing not only our children, but everyone else's as well. After all, it takes a village to raise children, doesn't it? Thank God for all of the people in our lives that help us on the motherhood journey. Without them, we would be lost. It's time for us, as mothers, to snap out of it. We have to learn to break out of our comfort zone. If you are thinking that it's too late, then now is the perfect time. You would be surprised at what you can handle. You have delivered children, and raised a family, and that in itself, is an amazing feat. Not everyone can do what you do. You have fed a family on very little money, at times, and performed miracles. You have sat outside out of Kate's bedroom while she cried for you, and you cried with her. You are a chef, a taxi cab driver, a wife, and a housekeeper. You have been a fan of junior high and high school sports more times than you have ever thought possible. You are a party planner and a decorator. You are a potty trainer and the healer of "boo-boos". After having children, you have looked in the mirror and not recognized the body that stands before you. The stretch marks have made you cry, and you wondered what happened to the girl that you were before you had a family. You realize that you don't even know that girl anymore. You have allowed yourself to get lost. You have yelled and punished your children before they ran out of the door to catch the school bus, and you have felt guilty for your last words to your child for the day. You have punished yourself mentally and wondered if what you did or said was the right thing, or if you should've taken a different approach to the punishment. You are trying to raise amazing human beings, and for that alone, you should receive an award. We are living in a time of uncertainty and you are standing strong and tall like an oak tree among the storm. You are absolutely beautiful, but you don't even realize it. You have become a victim of self deprivation. You don't see what your children see when they look at you. Everyone else sees your beauty, but you have turned a blind eye. You only see the bags under your eyes, the wrinkles, and the ever so hard to conceal "baby belly". You no longer see Sally in the mirror. You see a mother. It's time to realize that we can be both. We can be mothers, but we can also get to know ourselves again. We see you, Sally. We see your dreams and aspirations, and we are behind you all the way.
Kristen Hamilton
Kristen Hamilton
I am not a mother (to my sorrow) but caring responsibilities have at times hidden/destroyed the woman I hoped to become as well.
ReplyDeleteHooray for new beginnings and fresh hope.
I think that we, as women, are maternal, no matter if we are mothers or not. You are still a mother, in a sense. I wager that you have cared for so many throughout your life. That makes you a mother, my dear. We have to know who are in order to be what we should...…
DeleteWonderfully informative personal essay! As a long-time parent, who was never a mother, I had to work hard outside the home to provide for my family. My two best bosses over 40 years of labor were an ex-marine with a compassionate nature and a Mother of grown children who worked her way into administration. These were people who could listen to work-related things that needed resolution, but never emoted destructively or discouragingly --always helpful and mindful. I figure their prior jobs prepared them well.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! I am sure that their experiences as mothers helped them utilize their compassionate side. I want to also write a tribute to fathers who spend so much time providing for their families and sometimes get left without the recognition of what they do behind the scenes of a family!
DeleteAs a mother who became a teacher when 37, compassion I learned while guiding my children served me well as a teacher. Looking at a child through the eyes of Christ, the eyes of a mother, and then as a teacher changed me and helped me grow. I often wondered what kind of teacher I would have been at age 21, but at age 37 I was ready to do and be how God wanted me .
ReplyDeleteAmen.....being a mother truly does transform you, doesn't it?
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