This is my new journey in blogging. As is already obvious in the title, I am a single mother of two of the most fabulous children that I know (and I don't say that because they are mine), they truly are great kids. I not only love my children, I actually LIKE the people that they are. I know that we all love our children deeply and those are the rules of the universe, but do we LIKE them?
I started my journey into single motherhood about seven years ago. It seems that I stumbled into the journey while blaming the seven year itch of my lovely ex husband....but now...now it seems that I am stumbling into a seven year itch myself. Not the typical seven year itch where you look for attention from others, but the kind where you almost want to run from it. I used to be the most social of creatures, but in recent months, I seem to want to be a recluse. It's safer in that environment.
My daughter is now 13, yes...stumbling into womanhood the same way that we all had to, "blood", sweat and many tears. I just want to crawl into her life at times and fix the hardships and also warn her of hardships that are coming, to put out those fires that I know will burn. In trying to make an example for her as living a life full of independence and acting out the "women can do anything" routine, I have seemingly come across to the men in my life as a, and I don't say this lightly, hardass. Now what have I done? Am I accidentally leading her into a life like mine? My life is pretty great, don't get me wrong. I have a prosperous career, a home and too many other blessings to mention, but when the kids are gone for one of their numerous visits with their father, I find myself alone. Will my daughter now follow my example of "you don't need a man to do anything for you"?
Break down that sentence. Is it true? Do we not need a significant other? Does love have not a place in our life? Do we replace that with pride instead? I know, deep down, that I have gone wrong somewhere. Am I teaching my own daughter to be so independent that she, too, will dismiss many great loves because she will push them all away? Or will she know, that deep down, her mother was alone, not because of her father, but because of her unwillingness to let someone into her life? Independent women all over the world need to take a second look at this.
I also have a 9 year old son. He's the light of my life and he has already surpassed most of the grown men that I know in the "gentleman" department. What impact does my behavior have on him? Will he never appreciate a woman unless she push mows the yard while dinner is cooking and laundry is going? With me being the primary influence in his life, I worry. He has never had an example of how a man should treat a woman. Is it my job to try to find that for him? Do I jump back in the dating world, like it or not, and try to find a father figure for my son?
Friend of foe? Are we confident in our parenting or are we our own worst enemy?