People often ask me "How do you do it with two kids and a career all by yourself"? My response? I just do it!! It's not even that hard!! We do what we have to do, especially when little people are involved, but I have to tell you that it's occurred to me recently that it's the little things that send me flying over the deep end. Any big, huge life event, I can tackle with ease. I was standing in the kitchen making a lasagna for a coworker that had broken her leg. I thought that I would make her and her family a dinner and dessert to ease some of her stress. I make the salad, I make the dessert and then I proceed to gather the ingredients for the Alfredo lasagna. I realize that I had forgotten to purchase the ricotta cheese in between picking up kids from school and an academic team practice. What do you think happened? Did I get back into the car and go to the store that's only five minutes down the street?? No. I had a complete meltdown right there in the kitchen. I cried like a baby over ricotta cheese. Ricotta cheese!!!!!!!!! Very interesting how the little things will harvest the deepest frustrations. I hope that this helps another single momma or father out there. If you have meltdowns like this, I feel that you are normal :) if you don't, then you may just be Wonder Woman.
How much time do we spend on regret? Is there an appropriate amount of reflection or is it harmful at any rate? No one can truly travel back no matter how hard we might try. Do you try to repair your past or do you just take the lessons that you can from it and run for your life? I've spent an enormous amount of time in the last few weeks wondering what I would do differently if I could only go back.
Mid life crisis? Sure, it's a possibility.
If someone from your past comes back into your life from afar, do you embrace it? Or do you run like hell and leave it all behind where it has remained for so many years? Do you use that opportunity for closure and then just let life happen? In my thinking, I have come up with, what I hope would be, five helpful rules for dealing with this issue.
#1- Accept any and all apologies. Always be humble. Likely, the person apologizing needs to apologize to you more that you need the apology. Accepting apologies doesn't equal giving in.
#2- Don't spend excessive amounts of time living there (in the past). It isn't beneficial to ignore the people in the present. These people are here, right now, and for a good reason.
#3- Don't be fooled into thinking that you can pick up exactly where you have left off. The human mind and heart just simply don't operate that way as much as we would love for them to do so. Can something wonderful happen?? Of course it can!! Just be aware that it may not.
#4- Only travel back if you are certain of your present.
#5- The grass will ALWAYS be greener on the other side, so be careful of the grounds that you travel back to.
I will spend more time working on contentment. After all, what exactly is it that I think I don't have?? :)
His name is John Calipari, coach of the University of Kentucky Wildcats, a team that my son watches faithfully. A team that is the root of Jake's hours of basketball time in our driveway every single night and a team that has given Jake a dream. It all started a few weeks ago when I saw a posting on Facebook that Coach Cal would be doing a book signing in the next town about an hour and a half away. I obviously started planning right at that exact second. Jake, my son, has been feverishly planning what he was going to say to Coach Cal, but last night didn't seem very promising at first. When we arrived at the book signing, Coach Cal had made an announcement that he was tired and that it had been a long few weeks. He informed the audience that this would go extremely fast, about three seconds per person, long enough for the camera girl to flash a picture. You were to step a few feet behind him and smile for your once in a lifetime photo with you and this amazing nationally known coach. After being there for about 2 and a half hours, it was finally almost our turn. I looked at my poor son's face as we edged up in line and he caught a glimpse of how fast his moment would go. He looked up at me with those huge green eyes and sadly informed me that he understood that he wouldn't be able to talk to his idol, the man that he has admired for so so long. I have never been one to sugar coat anything for my children, so I looked at him, firm and honest and agreed with him, but explained that he would at least get a picture. Fast forward, it's our turn, his moment has arrived. As the camera lady reaches for my camera, I explain to her that I won't be in the picture. No...this night is for my son. She complies and Coach Cal gives me a hopeful grin. As Jake takes his spot a few feet behind the coach, the magical words happened. Three magical words that would turn my son's world upside down! "Come 'ere kid" That's it...that's all it took...he reached his arm around my son and there it was....the moment that Jake had been waiting for :) Thank you to John Calipari for making my son feel that he truly mattered last night. Out of four hundred people, I only saw him put his arm around one person, and that was my little boy.
This is my new journey in blogging. As is already obvious in the title, I am a single mother of two of the most fabulous children that I know (and I don't say that because they are mine), they truly are great kids. I not only love my children, I actually LIKE the people that they are. I know that we all love our children deeply and those are the rules of the universe, but do we LIKE them?
I started my journey into single motherhood about seven years ago. It seems that I stumbled into the journey while blaming the seven year itch of my lovely ex husband....but now...now it seems that I am stumbling into a seven year itch myself. Not the typical seven year itch where you look for attention from others, but the kind where you almost want to run from it. I used to be the most social of creatures, but in recent months, I seem to want to be a recluse. It's safer in that environment.
My daughter is now 13, yes...stumbling into womanhood the same way that we all had to, "blood", sweat and many tears. I just want to crawl into her life at times and fix the hardships and also warn her of hardships that are coming, to put out those fires that I know will burn. In trying to make an example for her as living a life full of independence and acting out the "women can do anything" routine, I have seemingly come across to the men in my life as a, and I don't say this lightly, hardass. Now what have I done? Am I accidentally leading her into a life like mine? My life is pretty great, don't get me wrong. I have a prosperous career, a home and too many other blessings to mention, but when the kids are gone for one of their numerous visits with their father, I find myself alone. Will my daughter now follow my example of "you don't need a man to do anything for you"?
Break down that sentence. Is it true? Do we not need a significant other? Does love have not a place in our life? Do we replace that with pride instead? I know, deep down, that I have gone wrong somewhere. Am I teaching my own daughter to be so independent that she, too, will dismiss many great loves because she will push them all away? Or will she know, that deep down, her mother was alone, not because of her father, but because of her unwillingness to let someone into her life? Independent women all over the world need to take a second look at this.
I also have a 9 year old son. He's the light of my life and he has already surpassed most of the grown men that I know in the "gentleman" department. What impact does my behavior have on him? Will he never appreciate a woman unless she push mows the yard while dinner is cooking and laundry is going? With me being the primary influence in his life, I worry. He has never had an example of how a man should treat a woman. Is it my job to try to find that for him? Do I jump back in the dating world, like it or not, and try to find a father figure for my son?
Friend of foe? Are we confident in our parenting or are we our own worst enemy?