The Big Illusion

The Big Illusion

Nothing that we do as a parent comes without the risk of scrutiny from others. It's happened to all of us. Parenting is the most guilt provoking job on the market and I am quite sure that none of us are doing it in a manner that could not be improved. There are many distinct and diverse ways in which to parent a child. Every single choice that we make and every act of punishment or praise that we dole out ends up with us questioning ourselves at every turn. Did we give enough praise for a job well done? Do we carve out enough time for them in our never-ending busy schedules? Do we know who they are spending their time with? Are they being too elusive? Too secretive? These questions cannot be answered because there are no experts to reach out to. The perfect parent is not walking among us. That person is an illusion. We are all so eager to think that we are doing it better. Doing it smarter. This is yet another deception. When my children were younger, I often went to work in the morning with tears in my eyes. More times than I would like to admit, my anguish was fueled with guilt. Had I not just yelled at my sweet child and singlehandedly ruined both of our days over a bowl of spilled cereal and a bedroom that hadn't been cleaned since the last time that I flew into one of these exact rages? Perfection is not obtainable in the world of parenting. Instead, there are tears, words said that cannot be taken back, second-guessing, broken dishes, spilled Slushies. There is the oh so clever action of throwing everything outside of the bedroom with the demand that it all be put back the correct way. Whether we punish our kids, give them praise, or give them their every desire upon demand, we are all probably doing something wrong in some small way. If we buy them the candy at the store to avoid an hour-long meltdown, take them to their favorite restaurant because they have had a bad day, or given them a toy for simply no reason at all other than the fact that we want them to have more than we did, then we are probably making a mistake in some small manner. Unless a child is in danger, we should stop criticizing our fellow parents for the job that they are doing. We are all taking curveballs every day and even at this very second, a mother is driving to work with tears in her tired eyes. We know exactly how she feels, do we not? We punish ourselves enough as parents. We do not need more help in that department. The only help that parents really require is a reassuring smile and maybe a cup of coffee…...or four.

Kristen Hamilton