Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The time machine

How much time do we spend on regret?  Is there an appropriate amount of reflection or is it harmful at any rate?  No one can truly travel back no matter how hard we might try.  Do you try to repair your past or do you just take the lessons that you can from it and run for your life?  I've spent an enormous amount of time in the last few weeks wondering what I would do differently if I could only go back. 
Mid life crisis?  Sure, it's a possibility.
If someone from your past comes back into your life from afar, do you embrace it?  Or do you run like hell and leave it all behind where it has remained for so many years?  Do you use that opportunity for closure and then just let life happen?  In my thinking, I have come up with, what I hope would be, five helpful rules for dealing with this issue.

#1-  Accept any and all apologies.  Always be humble.  Likely, the person apologizing needs to apologize to you more that you need the apology.  Accepting apologies doesn't equal giving in.

#2-  Don't spend excessive amounts of time living there (in the past).  It isn't beneficial to ignore the people in the present.  These people are here, right now, and for a good reason.

#3-  Don't be fooled into thinking that you can pick up exactly where you have left off.  The human mind and heart just simply don't operate that way as much as we would love for them to do so.  Can something wonderful happen??  Of course it can!! Just be aware that it may not.

#4-  Only travel back if you are certain of your present.

#5-  The grass will ALWAYS be greener on the other side, so be careful of the grounds that you travel back to.

  I will spend more time working on contentment.  After all, what exactly is it that I think I don't have?? :)

12 comments:

  1. Regret and guilt are both things I hang on to for far too long. Yes, there are lessons to be learnt from both - but whipping myself with them is not productive. Some great thoughts here - thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a very wise young lady!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree, you are wise. The pain can go away but the scars remains just like the holes that the nails left in the wood even though the nails have been removed.The holes remains.
    Lessons are learned but we move on with more cautions for good reasons.

    Hugs,
    JB

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was a middle school teacher. I see many former students. Many feel they have to make a statement about their behavior. The statement is not necessary at all in my view. One guy even apologized for his buddies as well. So don't beat yourself up. The ideas seem worse in your head than anybody else's.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Definitely a wise post! Someone contacted me last year to apologize ~ which was shocking because I hadn't seen or heard from him in over forty years. Accepting his apology, even though I thought I should be the one to apologize, lifted a heavy load from my shoulders. Each of your points rang so true, but especially #4! I am very grateful for my present.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So true true true!!! Needed to hear this today!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is so tempting to look back and scrutinise how we have lived our lives and wonder if we made the wrong decisions at crucial points - and how different our lives would have been if the other road was travelled. We will never know. I am a believer in fate and feel that events all through your life are linked by an invisible thread. We are where we are supposed to be.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "The past can be a good place to visit, but a terrible place to stay". This quote has always spoken loud to me because I believe it. The past is the past for a reason, we can never move forward whilst looking backwards. Regret is a natural human emotion, but one of the most destructive ones. If contentment is what you seek, then let any feelings of regret go. Only then will you be truly content :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sounds like all good advice to me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree 100% with everything you've writting down here. So true! I often wonder, why we all tend to live in the past even if we're happy in the present. Letting go of the past, most of all forgiving ourselves and moving on is one of the hardest things to do yet so rewarding. If there is an opportunity for closure I will always take it but make sure to leave the past in the past once and for all after I got closure. Hope you're doing well. I was so happy to see that you had posted again! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Excellent post. Thank you so much for sharing.

    ReplyDelete